She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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