**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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