bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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