The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
