I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
