There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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