ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
