It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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