genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
