haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
