the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
