after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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