You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
