end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
