he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
