Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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