I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
