You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
