i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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