i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
