i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Actions speak louder than pants.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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