I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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