I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
