You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
