you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
