Yo dont text me then not text me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
