Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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