oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
