If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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