I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize