True but thats because hes a fetus.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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