I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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