Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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