if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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