Soap is not a condiment
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The air was thick with penises
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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