My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
