His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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