i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
