yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
