she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
