just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
