Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jerry, you need to find god
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
