Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
