The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
