I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
