Pregnant stripper...not hot.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
