At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
