Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
