Your face is a jimmy john
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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