Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I understand Curling. That high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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