I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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