so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize