I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
