only if we run a train.
done.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
