dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize