dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
