Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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