I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your penis caused this!
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