Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
