so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
