Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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