evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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