Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
