i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You made out with two different species that night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize