yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the day after is always just damage control
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize